Monday, August 14, 2006



Sometimes we are Elijah and sometimes we are the hearth cake.

My faith had been seemingly lifeless for quite some time. Last May, I hit a bottom and questioned everything. I was no longer secure in the truth I'd always known. I knew it was "mostly" true but there were many holes. On more than one occasion, I wanted to just escape all of life's problems and questions and all the difficulties I'd brought upon myself through sin. I had very little desire left to follow God at all and He seemed SO far away. Unreachable.

So, I called out... "If you are who you say you are, please show me the truth. I cannot find it on my own."

Nothing changed.

At least not right away.

I realized all I had left was God. I could not, at that time, trust anything I was learning in church... Anyone can tell me anything but I only want TRUTH and I cannot settle for half-truth. But how would I know?

"Truth is truth even if nobody believes it, error is error even if everybody believes it."

This search for truth landed me on the doorstep of Catholicism. It was not a sudden understanding... but one by one the lights were coming on. Everything that I thought I knew about Catholicism turned out to be twisted in some way and I was surprised to find that those half-truths had me so blinded to the reality.

I would look at one theological issue, gain understanding and move on to the next. Information became my "hearth cake" and I soaked it up.

It amazes me that a few months ago, I would have argued with a Catholic for hours and now, the truth is so obvious to me, that I cannot see how others cannot see it as well. It only goes to show that most (but not all) of what I believed was only believed because it was taught to me that way...

Passages like Matthew 16:13-19 and John 6 now have a whole new meaning and depth. Though I have several months to go before I can enter the Church, I am already an intellectual convert... and I feel I finally have "food for the journey".

I feel my faith is finally on the right track and I trust that God will see me through.

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