I want to feel...

I’ve got to get past this... there has to be a way to get my heart caught up with my brain. I’ve been praying more, reading the Bible more, learning more... but I still feel very little. On rare occasion, I feel overwhelmed with joy and excitement that I am becoming a Catholic... being a part of something I am so strongly convinced of. But this is short-lived and then, I’m back to numb...

What is wrong with me?

I haven’t written lately, because, quite simply, I don’t have anything to say. I’ve been feeling really depressed. Perhaps it’s a test to see if I’m really ready to stick with it... to push forward even though I feel it’s getting me nowhere. I know there have been saints who have experienced “dryness” and this gives me a bit of consolation but I don’t want to feel nothing. I want to feel something... something beyond abandonment.

I know God is there... but I cannot feel His presence. While others do, I simply don’t.

What is wrong with me?

I will press forward. I will not give up. I will continue to pray, continue to read the Scriptures, continue to learn... but I desire more than anything to feel what others feel.

Lord, please... I long to feel your presence...