Back to School?

Well, the local community college I've been attending informed me that I have enough credits for an Associate of General Studies degree. This is awesome news with amazing timing because I've been considering going for a Bachelor of Arts in Theology! Thing is, I have to find a way to pay for it! I've been unemployed since December so money is tight to begin with. However, God has been providing and will continue to provide.

Guess I better get back to selling rosaries and see if I can get that to take off!

Any and all prayers while I discern whether or not I should pursue this, would be appreciated!

Blessings and peace!

Long Overdue Update

So, there are far too many days, weeks and months between posts but life is just so busy!

Right now, my diocese is working on establishing a program called, "Why Catholic?". I'm currently working on getting involved and am greatly looking forward to the fruit that may come of it. Additionally, I'm planning to be a catechist this coming year and am going through some training for that as well.

I've been unemployed since December and have greatly enjoyed my extended "vacation" and all the time I've been able to spend with the kids... feeling like a stay-at-home-mom. It's come with some financial challenges, of course, but God continues to provide in unforeseen and amazing ways.

My sister's beautiful twin boys are over a year old now and continue to bring so much joy to our lives. It's so awesome to see my sister experience motherhood!

Anyway, God is doing some amazing things... slowly, but surely. I'm still loving all the learning of my faith and always want to share it with others... though I don't think as many people want to hear about it as I want to share it with!

My family remains silent on the subject of faith but I press forward knowing full well that I am right where God wants me!

Pax Christi!

Neglected

As anyone can see, this blog has seriously been neglected. It bothers
me that I haven't written in so long but I've just been so busy with
living life and getting through one day at a time with work, kids,
school and financial adjustments. Sometimes I think, "If I could just
reach that milestone, then I will have more time to write... Including
my conversion story." But, it seems that milestone never gets reached
and the story never gets written.

Clay had his First Communion on June 1. I was so proud of him and so
excited to see one of my children receive the Eucharist. My whole
family attended... The first Mass for my parents. I can't help but
pray that I will one day be sitting regularly in church with my
parents. Apparently, there is a long history of Catholicism on my
mom's side of the family that was only broken in recent generations.
May God restore us all to the fullness of truth!

I hope to write more soon...

One Year

I can officially say that I've ben Catholic one year, as of yesterday! Woot woot!

It's been quite a year, too! My children were baptized last summer. Clay is preparing for First Reconciliatin and First Holy Communion (May 31) and we are striving to make Catholic living a part of our everyday lives.

I wish I could impart some words of wisdom but my mind is full of useless information I need for a test tomorrow and I just can't seem to focus!

Will my life ever slow down enough to breathe?

Adoption Update

The meeting with the expectant mother went great and she has chosen to place her twin boys with my sister and her husband! Our family is so excited! The cost of the adoption is just about what they have saved up and some family members have promised to provide any amount they may be short! God has truly made a way for this all to happen. We all feel such a peace about everything!

In less than two months, I'll have two brand new nephews! The first one born will be called Jaden, which means "God has heard". The second will be called Joseph, which means "may God add/increase". Both names are perfectly fitting!

I want to give a very sincere THANK YOU to everyone for their prayers and for those who donated even the smallest of amounts! It is because of this that God has heard our prayers and brought this dream into a reality!

Egg Yolks and Babies

My sister, April, got a call from the case working handling their adoption yesterday. There is a an expectant mother due in July who is looking to place her babies in a loving home. April and her husband are going to meet her on Saturday! That's right, BABIES... She's having TWIN boys! There IS something significant about the concept of adopting twins: One morning a couple of years ago, after April and her husband found out that it was indeed impossible to conceive, she was praying about adoption... a serious long talk with God in the morning. She went out to the kitchen to make some breakfast, pulled out the eggs and cracked one into the pan. Out came twin yolks. Interesting but nothing to write home about until the SECOND egg cracked into the pan was ALSO was a twin yolk. Since that time, my family has thought of these TWO twin eggs as a sign that God is in control... and that, one day, their dream to adopt would be realized (though we didn't exactly expect TWINS!) We have always linked those eggs to my sister's morning prayer about adoption. There have been a couple of occasions when I have also cracked open twin eggs, thinking instantly of my sister and her adoption prayer. So, when this expectant mother came up with twins, we all thought of this twin egg occurrence... Could this be it? Is this God's way of giving us peace about this particular possibility? Please keep my family in your prayers. Please pray that everything will go as God wills it. Pray that these babies are the answer to prayer we've been waiting for and that my sister and her husband can finally be the parents they've always wanted to be!

Rest in Peace, Josh Magee

I learned today that a dear old friend of mine passed away...





I met Josh sometime around 1994. He was one of those "do-anything-for-you" kinds of friends and he came through for me on more than one occasion.

In his own words (from 2000):
"...please know that I'm always here for you in any way I can be.... if you need some money, or a place to stay, or child care, or if you need someone to talk to… lemme know what I can do… Your one of the best friends I've ever had, and I want you to know that you can count on me."

And in November 2006:
"You know Amber... I think the world of you. And even though I might have not ever expressed it, I have a kind of brotherly protectivness in my heart over you. And I must say... Damion is a good and very pleasant man, and I truely enjoyed meeting him. I hope to get to know him more in the future... wanna see Seattle sometime? ;)"

I never did make it to Seattle.

Josh was adventurous... a risk-taker. The biggest risk-taker I've yet to meet, in fact. He loved life, he loved his family... His sense of humor was one of a kind as well. His stories and the way he'd tell them always had me laughing. Sometimes, even the most serious of events would take a silly twist.

I remember cruising in his car, the base thumpin' so loudly, it was literally changing our heart beats. I remember when he saw me off at the airport when I moved to Alaska and shed a tear as I flew away. I remember he sent my old 486 computer to me because I couldn't afford to get it up to Alaska myself… We had long talks of childhood memories, wacky neighbors, dare-devil tricks, drunken nights and love gone wrong... I remember when he told he was going to learn to do underwater construction. He was so excited and it didn't surprise me at all. It sounded just like something he would do!

In November, Josh got engaged to Reasa. I'd never known him to be so in love and so happy. And I was so happy for him… happy that he'd found someone deserving of him.

Josh, you were a true friend and I will always miss you.

"Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. May peace be granted to Josh's family and Reasa as well. Amen."

Adoption Update

As many may know my sister and her husband have completed a home study and are trying to raise money to adopt. For the last couple of months my family, especially my sister, has been working away at making all kinds of hand-crafted items to sell at an open house to raise money for the adoption. We held the event at my parents' house on Saturday, December 8, and it was a huge success! We managed to raise $4535.45, bringing them that much closer to their goal!

Praise God for his blessing on this event! People were so generous and it was quite an emotional time for our family. I know that some people stretched themselves in their giving and this was more than we expected.

In addition to this amount, another blessing happened Thanksgiving weekend. Their social worker in their adoption case, decided to drop a few bucks into a slot machine (Nevadans!) with the intention (she prayed about it) that anything she won, she would give to April and Tim. Well, she won $450!!! We couldn't believe it! She gave them every penny of it!

Tim also got a higher paying job with a company he previously worked for. THEY approached him about the job!

God is truly moving things and making them happen. I know that all the prayers are being answered and God has a huge plan in their lives and the lives of the child (or children) destined to be theirs.

April has decided to also start a blog. Once she puts her first post up, I'll share the link with you all! Thank you to all those who are praying for them! They are thankful and appreciative beyond words!

Mailing List

I've started a mailing list for my website. If you'd like to be added, just fill out the form on the contact page and request it.

The newsletters will be varied and will not come at regular intervals at this time. They'll contain apologetic stuff, words of encouragement, updates, etc. and sometimes, they will be used to announce book contests, new rosaries for sale or specials.

I apologize that my writing has been nearly non-existent lately but the efforts we're making to help my sister raise money for her adoption costs, plus school, work, kids and Church, are all taking up a considerable amount of my energy. Even when I have the time to write, I simply don't have the brain power to do so!

God bless anyone who is keeping me and my family in their prayers! And, a thank you to anyone who has already purchased a rosary!

God bless!

Engaged Encounter

This weekend, Damion and I will be going to Engaged Encounter. There is no formal engagement in place but it came at the recommendation of my priest and I thought it would be a good idea since we're heading in that direction. We're both very much looking forward to it! (Not to mention, a weekend without the kids will be a nice break!)

Please pray that God will show us any areas that we need to work out and that his grace will be upon us to communicate effectively and make the most of the weekend.

The strangest thing happened *EDIT*

Upon my pending reception into the Catholic Church, I was also undergoing the annulment process through the Tribunal for three past marriages. Thankfully, it didn't take long and all three marriages were considered null. End of story. I'm free to marry.

So, this weekend, while at my parents' house, I received a letter from the tribunal. Strange that this would show up at my parents' house because I didn't use their address when I went through the process. So, curiosity forces me to open the letter immediately.

It's a letter stating that the Tribunal in the Diocese of Orlando is seeking permission to being an annulment procedure at the request of my first spouse! So, this means that my first spouse is either becoming Catholic or seeking the blessing of his fourth and current marriage. I have to say that either scenario comes as a complete surprise because he wasn't religious by any stretch of the imagination, and I can't see him submitting to any authority... This guy was a real piece of work: a liar, a con, a cheater... and that's being nice!

I can only hope that this is an indication that he has changed his ways and is seeking God and the truth of the Catholic faith. I always hoped for vindication against the way he treated me, but this is a much more forgiving and merciful outcome.

What good news it will be for he and his wife to know that this case has already been determined as invalid by the Church and they can quickly move forward!

*EDIT* It turns out that they want to have their marriage blessed because she wants to be able to receive communion. It appears that he has developed some sort of Protestant faith. I'm guessing Baptist. Anyway, I call the diocese and gave them the information. Hopefully, that will be the last I hear of the whole thing!

I Still Have Jesus

One of the biggest misconceptions many of my Protestant brothers and sisters have is the false idea that Catholics don't "have Jesus". Listening to Francis Beckwith on Catholic Answers the other day, he hit this idea on the head! In my conversion to Catholicism, I did not have to give up Jesus. In fact, I have a greater understanding of Him now than I did in all my years prior. Some, I'm sure, is due to all the studying I did. One cannot study about Christianity without growing in understanding about Jesus. But, as many of us converts discover, we not only learn more about Jesus but we learn more about the Church he established, the Scriptures and how God uses ordinary things to bring extraordinary grace into our lives.

Every good thing I believed as a Protestant came with me into my Catholic faith, including the most central message of the gospel. I didn't give up my relationship with Christ; it was strengthened. I didn't have to deny who Christ is as the Son of God; I grew closer to Him. In the process, I felt (and still do) a beautiful connection to the Church of history, to the saints in heaven, and to the body of Christ. I feel like I'm a part of something bigger and more beautiful than I ever imagined as a Protestant.

Conversion was a painful process. Not only did I bring into question the theology I'd held as truth my whole life, but I slowing began to realize that the theology on the other side of the fence made more logical sense... that it put the supernatural back into play and that Christianity was NOT just as simple as "Jesus and me". These ideas rocked me to the core and I honestly began to question Christianity entirely. I begged God to show me truth because I had suddenly realize how relativistic Christianity was... all these Christian churches teaching opposing truths and only ONE truth to believe. I couldn't accept the idea that Christ would leave us with such opposing truths to decide for ourselves what to believe while my own church implies, "we know the truth better than the 'other guy'", "agreeing on the essentials" while "disagreeing on the non-essentials"... all using the Bible as their sole infallible rule of faith, yet coming to completely different interpretations as to what we, as Christians, are supposed to believe.

I spent many nights anguishing over truth... God was speaking to me and I was arguing. Why in the world would He want me to be Catholic? Would that mean I'd have to give up Jesus for some sort of legalistic religion? "Religion" was always a bad word growing up... it was a bunch of "man-made" rules and regulations. In short, I found I did not have to give up Jesus at all... and the rules? Jesus, by His authority, established a Church with the authority to bind and lose. It was right there in black and white in the pages of my own Bible. I only had to find the church that has that same authority today. An accurate look at history revealed that the Catholic Church was and is the longest-standing Christian church in history. It was founded by Christ himself! That's not man-made!

Jesus was waiting for me in the Catholic Church, arms open. I remember my anti-Catholic days when I criticized Catholics for keeping Christ on the cross because "he's alive". True that He is, but without His death, we would not be alive in Christ and Paul says to "preach Christ crucified". So, there He was, frozen in time, a reminder of what my sin did to Him. And He was there with open arms to greet me into the same Church he established 2000 years ago when He rose from the dead!

It was a long and difficult journey that still comes with many challenges but each moment with Him at Mass brings me that much closer to Him. I followed Him there in obedience when He was all I had left to cling to in my despair over Christian disunity. I love Him... and though many have tried to argue with that, the fact remains that, even as a Catholic, I still have Jesus... without Him, I'd be lost.

First Day

Here is my baby girl on her first day of kindergarten...






She had a great day and made lots of new friends. She loves her teacher, too!

I finally have all three kids in the SAME school! Woot woot!

My mind is blank

I've been staring at this screen trying to figure out what to write... I can't think of anything worthwhile and I think I'd just end up complaining! BUT, I am considering another book contest. More details on that later.

Maybe I could pose a question or two.

How does one seek out a spiritual director? What exactly is the role of a spiritual director?

And for Bill... Where have you been? Email me or something!

Will this week ever end?

What a week it's been... We had a memorial service for my aunt last Friday. It was beautiful to hear what those closest to her had to say... and sad to think I will never see her on this earth again. But she knows we love her and miss her and there is comfort in that. We had a lot of family in town and it was nice to see them. Hopefully, the next time will be under happier circumstances...

Also, last week I decided to move my daughter over to the public all-day Kindergarten program because she and the boys were approved for a variance. Our move one mile from our other apartment put them in another school about four blocks from the one they'd already been attending. Thinking it best that they have the stability of the same school and friends, I sought the variance. In addition, a variance would mean I could actually have ALL three kids in the same school. The new school they were zoned for didn't have all-day Kindergarten and that meant another year of driving all over town and paying more than $200 extra per month! So, I pulled my daughter from her former school not knowing that Kindergarten starts one week later than everyone else. Then I had to wonder what in the world I was going to do with her for an entire week!

On Saturday night, my daughter came down with a fever that spiked as high as 103.8 in the middle of the night on Sunday. Monday morning, I took the boys to their first day of school for the year and briefly met their new teachers. Just as I was leaving, I ran into a parent who I am acquainted with and she mentioned to me that strep throat has been going around. What timing! My daughter had the symptoms so I called the doctor and got right in. Sure enough, she was diagnosed with strep throat. Well, that's two days of the week I didn't have to worry about childcare and how I was going to make it to work. AND it gave me time to come up with another plan. I managed to find a wonderful lady who does licensed in-home childcare. She was willing to take my daughter from Wednesday through Thursday this week! An answer to prayer...

The fever lasted longer than expected and last night was the first night she made it through without her fever spiking up. Thank goodness...

I'm out three days of pay, which is a little worrisome but I still have my job so I'm not complaining! I am just very much looking forward to this week being over!

So, my blog took a backseat for a few days... and it may have to on occasion in the future months as well. I signed up for another class this semester. It's only one so it won't be too much of a deal but it might keep me busier than usual. I took all last year off from school so that I could attend RCIA and focus on learning all I could about the Catholic faith. I knew I'd need all the time I could get and I couldn't see how I would manage it with a school schedule. But, now it's time to get back into the swing of things!

People to pray for:
Damion and kids
my parents
April and Tim
KC and husband
Diane and family
Cindy/Jill
Dragan and mother
Johan and family

Rest In Peace

My aunt passed away this afternoon. On June 23, 2007, she was taken to ICU after suffering a double stroke. Since then, she made more improvements than the doctors ever thought she would. Over time, she was able to respond to us through hand squeezes, head nods and head shakes. She gave kisses, smiled, sat up for long periods of time, stuck her tongue out and even flipped us off on command a time or two. In one rare moment, she signed "I love you" to my cousin after several days of very little response. I'm sure my cousin will cherish that moment forever. My aunt was a fighter... but she could fight no longer.

My aunt was only 49 years old. She was a fan of NASCAR racing and the Rolling Stones. Among some of her heroes were her own children. She was passionate about her job and loved to help others and make people laugh. She will be remembered fondly by friends and family.

Please pray for the repose of her soul and for the comfort of my uncle and cousins.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Adjustments

I've been taking a bit of a break from blogging and being online in general. Sometimes, the anti-Catholic venom and all the horribly skewed misconceptions really begin to bother me, so I have to take a step back and reflect on all the good and beautiful things about being Catholic... and all that God has done in my life in the last year or so.

I still fall short of making God a priority in my life so I'm making some small adjustments to change that. If I try to uproot everything and make a drastic change, I'll get overwhelmed and slip right back into old patterns. I've realized this past year that these things take time and patience and it's important to make changes with baby steps if I want the changes to stick.

I just started a six week study on being a disciple of Christ and I realize that before I can be "sent", I must know him better. I must be more firmly rooted beyond my intellectual understanding. This is where those small adjustments come in as I try to focus more on God's role in my life personally and as I strive to make Him the priority above all else.

**********
Prayers:
Damion and kids
My family
Joby - comfort and financial struggles (Matt 6:25-33)
Johan - as he crosses the Tiber
Christine
Dragan and his mother
All others who have no one to pray for them

New Creations in Christ

Clay was baptized last Saturday. It was beautiful. It was an emotional moment for me as my first child was brought into the Christian faith, knowing at that moment that the Holy Spirit was descending upon him, washing him clean of all original sin. He was buried with Christ and rising to new life... the heavenly witnesses rejoicing!

I love the Sacrament of Baptism... and I love that it's more than a mere symbol. The misconception is that Catholics think the water is "magical". In reality, we know the water is a symbol of the grace of the Holy Spirit and the means by which the Holy Spirit pours out His grace. It isn't the water itself, but the act of baptism, by which the Holy Spirit causes one to be born again (John 3).

CCC 694 Water. The symbolism of water signifies the Holy Spirit's action in Baptism, since after the invocation of the Holy Spirit it becomes the efficacious sacramental sign of new birth: just as the gestation of our first birth took place in water, so the water of Baptism truly signifies that our birth into the divine life is given to us in the Holy Spirit. As "by one Spirit we were all baptized," so we are also "made to drink of one Spirit." Thus the Spirit is also personally the living water welling up from Christ crucified as its source and welling up in us to eternal life.

All three of my children are now united to the body of Christ through baptism.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for pouring your grace upon my children.

"For everything must die - to rise again."

Quite a Year!

It was just a bit over a year ago when I began my journey into Catholicism. I cannot begin to express the amount of growth I've experienced in that short amount of time. God broke me, brought me into himself and showed me that my pride had caused me to be blind to the reality that a truth existed that was fuller than what I had blindly accepted for so long. What I experienced a year ago was a very painful and lonely experience, one I wish I could have avoided at times but for which I am also very thankful. Without it, I may never have come to know the joy of being Catholic... of knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm right where God wants me.

Though it's often difficult being Catholic where the rest of my family is not, I have to say I feel very blessed that God chose to open my eyes to the truths of Catholicism. It has strengthened me in so many ways and it has brought my relationship with Jesus to a deeper level. I'm still far from where I want to be in that relationship but I know that each day is a day I grow closer to Christ and His Church.

A year ago, I sat in a row of chairs with my family at church. Now I sit in a pew in another church, obedient to God's call to bring me into the Catholic faith, yet separated from my family... the picture of disunity that brought me to the state of brokenness to begin with. One day, I want to sit in a pew with my family in church, fully united as the body of Christ in ONE faith... the way God intended.

According to my great aunt Sue, my mom's family comes from a long line of Catholics. I hope, one day, that our Catholic roots will be restored... may God use me for this purpose if He so wills it.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me into the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church. I was lost, but now I'm found... I was blind, but now I see. It is only by Your grace that I am where I am. Please pass this grace on to my family and allow them to experience the fullness of faith you desire for them as well. Amen.

A Very Busy Weekend

Saturday's move went smoothly and we are now living amidst an endless mess of boxes to be unpacked. It's quite an overwhelming task and, once again, this move proved just how big of a pack rat I am. The move took just about six hours and several trips to my new third floor apartment. But before any of that, I had to sign the papers.

When I arrived to sign the papers, I was informed that they were giving me another unit. This news was quite upsetting considering I had verified I'd be moving into that unit before I spent hours on the phone last week, working to have all my utilities switched over at just the right time. I was not too happy about this but what choice did I have? SO, because I refuse to sign papers before I actually SEE the unit, they hand me a key and send me on my way to take a look. I locate the building and climb the stairs to the third floor and when I arrive, I find there is furniture on the balcony... Free furniture? So, I give a little knock because I'm a bit nervous at this point... no response. Put the key in the door, give it a little turn and open it to find a coat hanging on the wall and more furniture! Close the door! Lock the door! Run down the stairs!

I returned to the office and told the girl, "Well, that unit is occupied! What is wrong with the unit I was supposed to move into?" She said, "Well, I don't know but I can't find they key anyway." (I had seen the key sitting on the desk when I came into the office.) I said, "I saw the key sitting right here when first came in." She located the key and freed me to check out the apartment. Everything in the apartment was fine except for some carpet damage that would have to be taken care of but which could be handled after I moved in. SO, I signed the papers for the original apartment and proceeded to move in.

Sunday, the day of the baptism, Clay woke up vomiting... I got all three kids ready anyway and after a lot of rushing around through my maze of boxes and newspaper, Damion, the kids, and I made our way to the church (barf-bags in hand). Clay decided he wasn't up for being baptized the way he was feeling and I definitely couldn't blame him, so I talked to Father Bob about rescheduling when he returned from Lourdes. No problem. Clay missed the whole baptism while he took a snooze in the pew!

But, despite the rough start, I was very pleased because my parents showed up! I'm not sure what got them there but I didn't care. It was wonderful that they came to share this day with the kids and that's all that mattered. My brother-in-law, a former Catholic, also attended. This is just as big as my parents showing up! In addition, Damion's dad came too! We also had a few from my work, some from my RCIA class and some other old friends. I'm truly blessed to know so many wonderful people and to have them share the special event with us. Thank you, also, to all those who were there in prayer!

Christian and Trinity are now baptized! Despite the oil in their hair, I couldn't bring myself to have them shower last night. I love the smell of the chrism oil and wanted it to linger on them today in remembrance.

After the baptism, I decided it was best to get Clay back home and in bed so we weren't able to celebrate properly. Perhaps, after Clay's baptism, we'll celebrate all three!

Until then, I'll be wading through boxes and newspaper...